Fumbling for Order

Fumbling for Order

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It’s official.  I am back in the dorms for another 9 months. 

Back to class.

Back to friends.

Back to cafeteria food.

My mind is already tired, and I haven’t even been here a whole day.

Generally, I have everything in control.  My classes are caught up.  My room is clean.  My clothes are planned for the next week.  I like order, rules, and consistency.  Independent and strong-willed, I make sure everything works out perfectly.

God does not want me to live in this state of self-reliance, however, and He makes this clear to me everyday.  He wants me to rely on Him.  His timing.  His direction.  His purpose.

Sometimes I think I cannot take it.  I cannot handle the unknown plans that He has drawn out.  Not only do I want to see His blueprint, I want to be the one who designs it.  I don’t seem to have the faith that those in Hebrews 11 had, and I would never step out of a solid boat onto the crashing waves like Peter.

Rather than trust God’s providence, I too often find myself struggling to do everything alone.  It is impossible.  I can only handle so much, and then I am fumbling, trying to keep everything in the peaceful order I created.

“Jesus said, ‘Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me.  I leave you peace; my peace I give you. I do not give it to you as the world does. So don’t let your hearts be troubled.”  John 14:1,27

Lord, help me to rely on You.  Give me your peace instead of the worldly peace I so often seek.  Show me that Your plan is far better than anything I could try to organize.  Teach me that You alone satisfy.

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